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October 24 2017




Just learned about garden path sentences.

They’re basically a literary prank– the sentence starts out in such a way that you think you know where it’s going, but the way it ends completely changes the meaning while still being a complete and logical sentence. Usually it deals with double meanings, or with words that can be multiple parts of speech, like nouns and verbs or nouns and adjectives.

So we get gems like

  • The old man the boat. (The old people are manning the boat)
  • The complex houses married and single soldiers and their families. (The apartment complex is home to both married and single soldiers, plus their families)
  • The prime number few. (People who are excellent are few in number.)
  • The cotton clothing is usually made of grows in Mississipi. (The cotton that clothing is made of)
  • The man who hunts ducks out on weekends. (As in he ducks out of his responsibilities)
  • We painted the wall with cracks. (The cracked wall is the one that was pained.)

truly a strange language

Thanks I hate it

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My deer boy

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The obsolete English -k suffix is my new favourite thing (source). It’s also the same -k that derives “hark, hearken” from “hear”




the fact i can touch type/type without looking is so wild to me bc if you asked me to say the alphabet i’d have to do it w/the song but if you asked me to name the order of the keys from right to left i literally couldn’t do it like my fingers know where stuff is but my visual memory has zero clue and that freaks! me! out! the alphabet has no reason to be ordered like that!!! my fingers and my mind know two different alphabets!!! 

no one tell op about musical instruments or sports

more seriously, here’s a fun fact: when typewriters were invented, there were several different prototypical keyboard key configurations,  including one that was just the alphabet, in order.  however, because typewriters can only be typed on at a certain speed (about 45-50 wpm) before typing too fast makes the keys jam together, our current dominant qwerty keyboard configuration became the industry standard back in the typewriter days specifically because it was designed to make no sense and made it harder to type quickly.  

as the transition from typewriter to computer made the concept of forced difficulty of typing obsolete, people clung to the old configuration for the same reason so many shitty things are still around: because it’s how they’d always done things and it was what they were used to.  there are keyboard configurations designed specifically for ease of use and speed, most notably dvorak, but most typists are still most comfortable with the muscle memory of good ol’ clunky qwerty.


your friendly neighborhood modern-day scribe who has to think about this stuff way too often (and who’s jammed every typewriter i’ve ever tried to use).

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oh no


going from “today is a good day” to “i hate my life” takes me approximately 2.6 seconds

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lesbians in space


its actualy really fascinating, the reason they are considering making the mission to mars all female ACTUALLY doesnt have to do with “impure sexual thoughts” or anyhing it has to do with a multitude of factors, for example (cis) women astronauts tend to be smaller and require less food, nasa also did a series of studies showing that in groups, all woman groups showed better cooperation and teamwork than mixed or all men groups, and also probably the most interesting reason is that (cis) mens eyesight is damaged in space travel for reasons we dont even understand yet, for some strange reason the vast majority of men who have been into space have suffered damage to their eyesight and yet almost no women have had this issue, and scientists are still trying to figure out why but in the meantime sending men into space for long periods of time is a huge concern because they may go blind over time … just thought that that headline was a little reductionist and sensationalist so i had to comment, that being said tho…




Reposted bykuroinekochrisnaichSantheNekonfinkreghjabolmaxanuszkaghalbadiousNocephyasofiasTullfrogthor7osmoke11wasnaeLykouElbenfreundjaggerTokei-IhtoankinYarrickperohryzadremdicomolotovcupcakezupacebulowaschaafKryptoniteDagarhenmarbearpaketKane1337januschytrusMilcatopylevunegingerglueraindancerstraycatnesraitmfmfmf




todays straight character of the day is: nobody

I’m calling bullshit Odysseus is clearly bisexual

This is a quality joke

🗣️ trans people who don’t take hormones for WHATEVER REASON are still trans 🗣️


and their personal medical information is none of your damn business

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I just looked this up and it turned out it was about a production of “cat on a hot tin roof”, a play which famously features a closeted gay lead character. a member of the audience was catcalling female actresses and shouting homophobic abuse when actor john lacy, who played the character big daddy, paused his performance and called him out. the heckler replied “what are you going to do about it?” to which lacy responded by leaping down into the audience and knocking him to the ground.

#its what tennessee williams would have wanted

he deserved it


Laziness: I’d rather sit here than pick up those clothes

Executive Dysfunction: I need to pick up those clothes I need to pick up those clothes why am I still watching this thing on Netflix while sitting down c’mon stand up I need to pick up those clothes I need to pick up those clothes I need to-



If you want to use a non sketchy youtube downloading site I just spent some time making a really simple one here: https://y23.cmder.tech/

It lets you download the video or just the audio of a youtube video

Well since I’ve made this post I’ve added a few features:

Get whole playlists at once (or download all the audio from the playlist in a zip)

Convert audio to mp3/wav

Added the ability to cut up videos/make gifs

If you like the site and want more features why don’t you become a patreon and vote on new ones! https://www.patreon.com/ssn


You want to know what’s been messing me up lately? Ever since taking Old English?

These douchebags right here. It looks like a weird runic letter ‘d’ doesn’t it? EXCEPT IT’S NOT. It’s ‘eth,’ which does not use the ‘d’ sound. They use a ‘th’ sound.

“Okay, Jurakan, why is that an issue?”

Because twatwaffles it means I’ve been saying everything wrong.

There’s a lot of Norse mythological names like:


and everyone says them


and that’s not how they’re supposed to be said at all. Because the letter ‘d’ in their name? Isn’t a the letter ‘d’, it’s ‘ð’. Meaning those names/pronunciations should be:

-Iðunn (E-thun)
-Viðarr (vih-THAHR)
-Hoðr (HO-thur)
-Hermoð (HER-moth)
-Skaði (SKA-thee)

We mythology nuts have been saying these things wrong for so long? And basically because the runic letter looks kind of like a ‘d’ we decided it was even though it has a completely different sound???




i have a number of emotions, including: cowboy, lesbian, halloween, unconscious, 70s soft rock, pure unbridled rage, void, i’m dying squirtle, and pull the trigger piglet



TIL of the JFK Records Act, an act that states that all government documents related to the Kennedy assassination be publicly disclosed on October 26 2017.

via http://ift.tt/2ypuMus

who’s ready for a reading party next thursday?

Seattle Is Full of Cryptids












So I’ve been writing some trashy vampire fiction as stress-relief during finals, and it accidentally turned into a major world-building exercise and potential Novella and???  I dunno but I want to share some thoughts.

First, some universe specific things:

  • Vampire cannot “turn” Others without significant effort and/or a specific ritual.  being a bitten by a vamp is no more going to make you one or it;s thrall than being bitten by a st. Bernard is.
  • Monsters and Cryptids explicitly exist, but most of the world’s governments deny that they do for… reasons.  That I will get into later but probably have to do with tax law.
  • The two main characters so far are Marion “Red Charlie” Charleston, a vampire turned back in 1890 who made his fortune during the prohibiton era doing aggravated bootlegging for Roy Olmstead, and Alex (Alexander Byron Chesterson Jr.) who is more or less Marion’s live-in tech sspport/tax shelter.

OK, so onto the worldbuilding

  • Seattle is like, THE city to live in, if you want to be an Urban Cryptid
  • If you’re a vamp, the weather means you can go outside during daytime fairly often, or emerge dramatically from the fog p much whenever.
  • Not to mention a a high population of Vegans, which probably taste much less bitter due to the lack of dairy.
  • If you’re a were-whatever, it’s literally a half-hour drive/ferry ride to some of the densest, most isolated forest in the US so you can go bananas during your shift.
  • Aquatic or ocean based cryptid? PUGET SOUND IS RIGHT THERE.  Just stay away from the Orcas, they’ll fuck you up.
  • Bigfoots are the locals that complain about urbanization while getting fancy-ass coffee and exchange beard-grooming tips with the local hipsters.
  • There is Werewolf/vampires-that-prefer-to-shift-into-wolves/Vamps-that-prefer-to-shift-into-bats/Werebat Discourse and it is INTENSE
  • There are Kelpies, but mostly out in the san juans and rich neighborhoods where people are less suspicious and better marbled.   Most of the time though, they get into dumpsters and more than one Marion has run out of the house with a slipper at 2AM to keep them from knocking the garbage cans over.
  • cryptid-only bars warded against humans, not out of safety concerns, but OH GOD HIPSTERS ARE SO ANNOYING.
  • Forks is like, 2 hours away and everyone int he community HAAAAATES the twilight series- less about the interpretation of vampirism and were-persons, but OH GOD THAT’S NOT HOW RELATIONSHIPS WORK.
  • DO NOT  get them started on 50 shades, which takes place in seattle proper.
  • Mothman has SO. MANY. BRIDGES. TO. HAUNT.  and a part-time job as a cook at  Dick’s Drive-In.  She makes the best milkshakes.


Before we continue however, a small correction:  The Mountain outside Seattle is MT. RAINIER, not Hood.  There’s dragons on both of them and we leave them the fuck alone.


  • Marion was a young man in the 1890′s and is FURIOUS that corsets have gone of fashion for men because OH GOD, SO GOOD FOR YOUR BACK, but at least in Seattle he can get a properly fitted corset and wear tailored jackets and a top hat and not even be in the top ten of oddly dressed people in the room.
  • The Pikes Peak Fish Market is run by a Selkie cabal, which may have introduced kelpies to the area in the 40′s in a misguded effort to maintain market share
  • The Hottest Alternative Noise Band on the scene is made pretty much entirely of banshees and their Deaf human drummer.
  • Seattle’s own vigilante superhero Phoenix Jones is a ‘regular’ human, but so awesomely cool that he’s privy to Seattle’s “Crypt” scene.
  • That weird legal battle about pygmy goats a few years ago was really the were community trying to keep the locals safe by having suitable snacks on hand.
  • As mentioned in the notes, the Fremont Troll is a large part of the Crypt community (Both literally and figuratively) and a force of Chaotic Good.
  • One of the Crypt demographics Seattle is NOT friendly to is Zombies.  the Humidity and Large Urban Coyote population are Not great for keeping one’s remaining limbs, so most of the continental US’s zombie population is in the LA basin or Pheonix.
  • Despite this, there are still a few and between them, the Wendigos and large Vamp population, you can find the occasional butcher shop that specializes in “Long Pig”.  These places are HEAVILY regulated and monitored, and get most of their stock my having the other wing of the business be a “Medical Waste Disposal” or “Organic Mortuary”.
  • A lot of “human-passing” cryptids work for the park service to help keep the humans away from vulnerable deep-woods Sasquatch communities (they’re working on getting the population vaccinated but a measles outbreak back in ‘06 almost halved the population) and away from the nesting grounds of the Highly Endangered Thunderbirds, whose eggs and feathers are highly prized in several folk medicine practices.
  • For clarity: in this universe, Humans and Sasquatch can cross-breed though it hasn’t happened much since Ye Olden Days, and then it was mostly lonely loggers and the occasional curious Sasquatch.  These Hybrid descendants call themselves Bigfoots, and are genetically and physiologically distinct from Sasquatch.  They’re a lot less new-stimuli-averse and have an easier time learning verbal language, and frequently urbanize these days.
  • NOBODY likes the Elves, both because they’re creepy manipulative shits, and because they keep getting elected to city council and approving shoddy buildings so they can move about the city now that there’s less iron and doing shifty shit with tax law.
  • Every few years there’s a Unicorn Sighting in the area and everyone loses their shit because NOPE, FUCK THOSE THINGS.


  • Nobody wants unicorns because 1.  They’re MEAN little shits, and 2. They get from place to place by warping in and out of reality, and if you get a whole herd of them that can leave HOLES.
  • Wizards that don’t dispose of old potions and magical components properly and keep creating Magically-imbued Pest animals
  • Gary the Raccoon was a normal raccoon until he got into Mergaster The Fastidious’ garbage and now his third eye sees the future and will tell fortunes for bacon sandwiches.
  • Side note: Everything the Foxes tell you are LIES that illustrate the Truth, and everything the corvids say is the truth, though not necessarily of an honest nature, and pigeons just spout absurdist nonsense.  The only reliable ones to converse with are the rats.
  • Moderately-sized aquatic cryptids like kelpies and mers do OK in puget sound, but the huge-sized ones are Too Slow and Can’t Hide, so they immediately turn into Orca Buffets, Hence, the lack of Krackens
  • There’s a persistent and probably true rumor that Resident orca J-98 is a were-orca, but nobody can figure out his land identity
  • The Most Powerful Witch in the whole area is R-30, the 106-year-old matriarch of the resident orcas
  • Even the Dragon does not fuck with her
  • The Dragon is Totally Done with the seattle wizards, especially Mergaster The Fastidious
  • However, a few years ago, some of her minions installed Wi-Fi in her lair, so now she works as a “Consultant” for Wizards Of The Coast
  • THOSE wizards are ok.
  • The Elves are more like the mob that went legit and changed the laws to suit their purposes, rather than a court like back in Europe
  • Part of the reason is that the elves were late to emigrate, and the things that got here first set up Precautions to avoid that kind of oligarchy
  • The statue of Liberty is a big giant iron FUCK YOU to the elves.
  • Once the Elves did get out to seattle, they became the largest “party” drug dealers cutting magical concoctions with ecstasy, LSD and shrooms. Because elves LOVE to party.
  • Humans can do Elvish Ecstasy, but only Once.
  • In fact, cryptids are so far-flung and small minorities compared to N. America’s human pop that they really don’t have the means or need to form much government at all
  • Seattle is one of the few exceptions, due to unusually high density, though what they have is more of a Neighborhood watch/HOA than a real gov’t.
  • Which is mostly eyeballing the carnivorous cryptids, chasing elves out of the neighborhood and telling the wizards to STOP
  • Many of seattle’s strays are Barghest Mixes, but they’re Good Dogs.

If you ever publish this thing I will pay money to read it.

*hand raise* Is there a dragon in St. Helen’s, too? Because that would explain Many Things.


Actually, lets have some more Dragon-related facts:

  • There’s a dragon on virtually every large mountain in North America, but the volcanic ones are the Most Scary.  The Hood and Rainier dragons talk a lot of smack about her but are secretly terrified.
  • the bigger the dragon, the bigger the mountain she will try to claim.  Mountains are measured by how tall they are relative to the surrounding ground.  Hence, Mt. Hood (11K) is taller than Mt. Evans (14K) by Dragon standards, because Mt Evans STARTS at 5000 feet.
  • All the dragons in this universe are female, and breed a lot like Whiptail Lizards, but with more fire, screaming and Property Damage.
  • There are Absolutely Transgender dragons.
  • oh man, covering up for the dragons is the biggest problem for cryptids.  there’s a volunteer organization that’s basically Unionized Draconic Henchpersons In Charge Of Keeping This Shit Under Wraps.
  • they have fundraisers, and Marion is a major donor.
  • Marion might have history with the Rainier dragon.
  • Moat of the dragons recruit their minions out of the local colleges by offering paid internships.
  • They’re like regular internships, but with better hours and you get to take home a literal chest of treasure.
  • most people call them the “The Mount X Dragon” or the “The X Mountain Dragon” because their chosen names are 1. like 27 letters long and totally unpronounceable 2. a great way to accidentally summon one.
  • you do not want to accidentally summon one.
  • She will not fit in your house



Shut up and take my wallet. BUT WHAT ABOUT THE WIZARDS? any more about them?


  • Wizards are made, not born-  Pretty much any human can learn how to use magic, but some have a greater aptitude than others, and aptitude does tend to run in families.
  • So does the urge to hoard secrets for Great And Terrible Power
  • So most wizards in the US come from a few old families/the people who bought their books at the estate sale and decided to give it a go
  • Most wizards guard their secrets with the paranoia of a UFO conspiracy Theorist, and lines of magical research are often lost when they pass on.
  • Magic in this universe is a natural phenomenon, and a by-product of regular physics, like the water cycle, but harder to see.
  • and like most natural phenomena that have been studied pretty much exclusively by jealous white men, it isn’t well-understood.
  • Or all that powerful.
  • Like, if we use D&D as an example, the “Greatest” of the wizards was level 4, tops.
  • Like the water cycle, Magic needs to be harnessed on an almost industrial scale to really alter the world, but even small mistakes can send the whole system out of whack
  • Hence, beings like Gary, the future-seeing raccoon exist in abundance
  • Or The Entire Mess That Is The Seattle Underground
  • Witches, collectively, have a much more collectivist culture and are better about sharing research and Not Fucking Things Up
  • But each group has it’s sinners and saints.
  • “Witch” and “Wizard” are not gendered terms so much as different styles of magical research and use, though they are heavily gender correlated.
  • Seattle’s most “famous” wizard is Mergaster The Fastidious and he is a Right Douche

Since people have been asking me about Seattle Bites and it’s going to be my NANOWRIMO project: here’s my initial world-building, possibly subject to minor changes 

I have an editor lined up to remind me it’s PIKE place and the names of which mountains go where. And a large cadre of Satellites willing to fact-check the snot out of me.  Thank you all, Honestly.

Some more world-building:

  • Lycanthropy and Vampirism are both the results of Ancient Wizards Fucking Up Real Bad.
  • Lycanthropy can result in people shifting into pretty much any , which includes exciting things like Mice, Whales and Platypodes, which is giving taxonomists fits.
  • The capacity for lycanthropy runs in families but not necessarily were-forms.
  • You, a nice Classical Werewolf, marry a nice Werebear and your children all come out rabbits.  Just imagine.
  • Vampirism has got a suspicious lot to do with Burial Rituals and the eldest extant vampires are all from Egypt and Israel. 
  • It’s hard to accidentally make a vampire unless you’re being spectacularly careless, but nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of people.
  • Marion owns one of the theaters in Cap Hill, and is locked in battle with the Elves over the property.  
  • There’s a play.
  • and dragons.
  • it’s good guys i promise.



y’all out here in 2017 saying ‘spoopy’ on some thin ice with god

Look if you have another word that perfectly captures the concept of “horror flavored but specifically in a way that is intended to be silly and not actually scary, that also evokes a strong feeling of nostalgia associated with childhood experiences of Halloween” I’m all ears motherfucker.

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I’ve seen students show up to class in their pajamas.

Also I’ve had professors curse during lectures and discussion groups.

“Professionalism” is relative especially in a space like college.

Cuz my professors are paying me right?

professors do not give a fuck what you wear. and if they did, what bills they paying?

Well, technically, you’re paying them, so you’re their boss.

Sometimes certain classes will require “business attire” for presentations. But other than that, y'all I wore pajamas and sweats and booty shorts and tanks with my bra showing and basically whatever else I fancied on any given day day, depending on the weather and how much sleep I was running on. And I guarantee you I was not the only one. We all did it.

Some people wear heels and cute ass outfits every day, bc shit like that was literally not allowed in high school and they’re thrilled to be able to express themselves for once. And I’d sit right next to them in my pajama pants and an old tank top after I rolled out of bed having slept less than two hours. No one batted an eye about it.

Seriously. Whatever makes you happy and comfortable.

Also on an unrelated note, you literally never have to ask to use the restroom. Just get up and go. No one cares.

Listen guys, college is a strange place where just about anything goes. Like as long as you’re not hurting anyone and vaguely following whatever arbitrary rules your department comes up with (and you know, not breaking laws) then you’re probably fine.

I’ve seen people wear snuggles walking across campus, super dressed up in a full suit and tie, a dress in the snow, a sweatshirt and jeans in 85°, pjs in the middle of the afternoon, eclectic combinations only art kids can come up with, and kids wrapped in blankets. Literally the only thing you would get judged on MAYBE is wearing a shirt from your school’s bitterest rival, and even then it’s a maybe depending on the school.

There’s a girl i see around sometimes who skateboards to class in a pikachu onesie and a hijab and she’s honestly an icon


Does anybody else get this thing where they have a new idea for a story except that its not really a whole idea? Just like, a picture or a scene from a movie unfolding in front of you? Only its so clear, so sharp and strong that you know its going to be a story. It burns inside you, making you replay it again and again, from a new angle each time because you want to know, need to know, how this fits in a narrative.

Like, you see the characters and how they look, you know the setting, you know the motivations (but not the context), and every minute detail and nuance of expression or shadows or well, everything. 

You even know what sounds the characters can hear, what sensations they are feeling. You know what music would be playing if this was really a movie. 

You just… don’t know how it fits into a plot yet.

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モッフ by トネビ on pixiv

I wanna bury my face into honchkrow too.

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